Chapter 4 - I should have kissed you . (part 2)

Then he pushed me against the wall. "I...I..." He stammered, not able to voice out what was on his mind. "I what Louis?" I asked, getting impatient. Then his eyes shifted from me to whatever/whoever that was outside the window. I sensed that somebody was approaching the house. It couldnt be the boys, they'd be running towards the hut instead of taking slow steps.

 Louis then looked at me then shouted in my face "I... I just wanted to tell you this is all a joke. Do you really think I will do this for a girl like you? Cheap and useless? Haha, dream on! A guy like me will never go for a girl like you. I prepared all this so I can hurt you all over again. Stop being so gullible and naive next time." He said, laughing.

  The person who was standing at the door then entered. To my horror, it was Alyssa. "Hey babe, i missed you. Why did you leave the house without telling me?" she squeaked. Seriously, I felt like slapping her in the face like how I slapped Louis. "hey love, I missed you too. Where were we?" Louis asked, suddenly oblivious to my presence. I was in the hut, hearing their conversation and witnessing the scene. I didn't know how he do it. I didn't have a clue how I managed to get fooled by him again. I just didn't know why I kept hoping for a miracle to happen. I just didn't know what he wanted from me. To humiliate me? He already did

 To make me heart-broken? Been there, done that. What else? "Where were we? This." Alyssa said and leaned towards Louis. I witnessed the same scene again, where their lips met for the second time. Louis had his hands wrapped around Alyssa's waist while her hand was placed on his chest. I wanted to run away from everything, I really did. But somehow I was rooted to the ground, not able to bring myself out of the hut. I wanted to watch the romance between them so I could get heartbroken all over again and eventually be numb.

 Louis' POv. If only she knew. If only she knew how much she meant to me, how much she's changed me for the better and how much it made me mad at myself for hurting her over and over again. If i had another chance, I wouldve told her how much I needed her in my life. Wipe her tears away and tell her everything would be okay. I shouldn't have let her walk away. I should've kissed her. I bet she wouldn't forgive me. If I were her I'd already murdered myself.

 But Sasha was different. Despite me hurting her alot of times, she was still there, standing strong. She deserves to be happy. She deserves someone that won't hurt her. If only she knew why I had to that. I saw Alyssa coming, and if I were to be caught kissing Sasha, my parents will ask me to leave One Direction and pursue business school in the US. I had to marry Alyssa, by hook or by crook. Alyssa always lied about what was going on between us to my parents. I still remembered the words Alyssa had echoed into my ear when she knew about me having feelings for Sasha. "you love Sasha, don't you Louis? But remember, we are meant to be. If you are ever seen having intimate contact with Sasha, that's the end of her.Oh, and you definitely do not want to leave One Direction, do you?" How could I not be scared ? She threatened to hurt Sasha . I know that I should've kissed Sasha, but I couldn't bear to see Alyssa harming Sasha. I'm a screwed up mess.The boys need to know what I'm going through. They need to. -end of POV-

 The boys entered the hut. Niall ushered me out of the hut while the boys shot Louis a look and walked away. Then I told them everything that happened in the hut on the way home. "Stop being silly Sasha. Just stop waiting for a miracle to happen. Louis won't come back in an instant. He's never been this way, but I just want you to stop hoping." Harry said, putting an arm around me. "I'm sorry Sasha. If only I hadnt invited Alyssa over, none of this wouldn't have happened." Harry continued, looking down. I shook my head and said "it's not your fault Harry. It's just part of riding the rollercoaster called life," while looking at Zayn, who wrote down those words in his quotebook . Then all of us leaned in for a group hug .

 All of us chattered cheerfully except for Liam . Liam's POV . When we got home, I went up and hid at the secret stairwell. Everybody knows that im with Andrea, but what they don't know is that the both of us aren't on good terms. We just pretend to be happy. I....I think that I still can't get over Dani. Ever since Sasha's arrival, I don't know why I've been thinking of Danielle. Alot. :s I know that I can't be this way but.... *bzz* ! whoops, text message. It's from Louis. What does he want? -Text conversation- Louis: Liam, you there? Keep reading buddy, don't ignore me. I can only trust you man. Meet me at the Starbucks at the corner of the street near the playground. I promise I won't be wasting your time. Please be there alone. Bring yourself and only you. I'll be waiting. I miss you man. And yes, I love you. Liam: yea, see how. If I turn up, it must be your lucky day. If I don't, you can keep waiting. I couldn't ignore Louis. The lad that kept annoying all of us with his random & hilarious quotes, that Swagmasta from Doncasta, that boy that never wants to grow Up, that boy that loves wearing stripes and toms, that boy that does the stop the traffic dance alot. I couldn't possibly ignore him. As I approached Starbucks, I prayed hard that the others wouldn't change their plans and have breakfast at Starbucks. I arrived and saw Louis, sipping on a cup of Yorkshire tea. Okay, calm down Liam. Play it cool. Don't show too much emotion. -end of POV-


 Louis' POV. I couldn't control my tears. Liam actually came with no one else. He came towards me and I quickly stood up and hugged him tightly and planted a kiss on his right cheek. Yeah, people in starbucks may think I'm gay. But I didn't care. I missed Liam and the other 3 crazy lads. Most importantly, I missed Sasha, alot. Liam didin't say anything, he didin't even look at me in the eyes and that really hurt me deeply. -conversation between Liam & Louis- Louis: Liam, buddy, look at me man. Liam: that's not important. You said that you wouldn't be wasting my time. So make it quick. You've got 5 minutes, starting now. Louis: why're you doing this to me Liam? You've never been this way. Liam: ask yourself. *glances watch* 4 minutes. Louis: I need more than just 4 minutes. it's not enough. Liam: stop beating around the bush and maybe 4 minutes will be enough . 3 minutes 40 seconds left. Louis: fine, whatever you say James. Have all of you ever asked why I suddenly behaved this way? Why the sudden change? No. Cause all of you have been too concerned with Sasha ever since she arrived in Mullingar. Stop trying to make a good impression on her for once, because she'll eventually end up with me. Now stop and listen to my story. Liam: This is not about us impressing Sasha. This is about you hurting her for her multiple times. None of us is trying to impress Sasha. We all know you have something for her. We know that Louis. But why the hell are you hurting that amazing young girl? Tell me. Tell me why Louis. Louis: Listen and tell this to the rest. Did you know my parents set me up with Alyssa? Did you know that Alyssa threatened to hurt Sasha if I ever ended up with her? Do you know that if my parents ever found out that I'm head over heels for Sasha, I'm forced to leave One Direction and pursue business school? Do you know that I'm forced to marry Alyssa in a couple of years? Do you know how hard it is for me to stop hurting Sasha? Do you know how frustrating it is to see you guys comforting her but I can't do that? Do you know how many times my heart broke seeing Sasha cry? Do you know everytime you give her a hug my world tears apart? Do you know how much I wish that I didn't have to go through all of this? Do you know that I can't do anything right now? Do you know how many times I've wanted to kill myself? Do you Liam? Liam: oh wow. I didn't know Louis, and I'm sorry. I'm sure things will get better, sooner or later. Stay strong Boobear. I'll see you soon. I was dumbfounded. No words could describe my feelings at that time. Sad ? Afraid ? I don't know. Then, I received an incoming phone call from Andrea.

 -phone convo between Andrea & Liam- Liam: h-hello ? Andrea: hey babe. Change of plans. We're having breakfast at nando's. Where are you? Liam: oh. okay, I'll meet you there. I just went for a walk near the rink. See you there. Andrea: oh..... Alright. Loveyou . Liam: yeah, you too. As I heaved a sigh, I walked through the snowy pathway with my hands in my pocket. When I arrived, I saw the lads faces lighting up. Then Nialler began eating his food, Zayn beatboxing to a fast-paced song and Harry laughing at the scene. Then, out of the blue, they stopped laughing and the atmosphere got silent. -end of POV-

 Sasha's POV. "what's wrong guys ? You were really happy just a moment ago ." I asked, even though I knew the answer to my own question . "what's wrong? Everything is . Remember our first dinner here ? We had a really great time and enjoyed each other's presence . But now, look. How many of us are here? Liam just arrived. Louis isn't here anymore. Why Sasha? Why is he hurting us in this manner? What have we done wrong? Were we mean to him? Did he hate us all this while? did he?" Harry replied with tears streaming down his face. I pat his soft curls and remained quiet, until Liam broke the silence. "I don't know whether or not you lads will believe this, cause I definitely don't know whether to believe it....I met up with Louis just now at Starbucks cause he texted me to meet him. Then, he said.."

Chapter 4 - I should have kissed you .

Chapter 4 - I should have kissed you . 

I was still sound asleep when I received a whatsapp text. I squinted as my vision adjusted to the glaring light from my phone. 

SwagMastaDoncasta: you may or may not be reading this right now, but whatever it is, just meet me at The Rink once you see this. 

I creeped out of the house slowly while I frantically searched my way through the darkness. When I reached the rink, it was dim, with a couple of lamposts a few feet away. Suddenly, someone tapped my shoulder from behind. It was Louis. 
He looked like a major wreck. His face was pale, his hair wasn't made and I could tell that he was freezing. Immediately, I took off my coat and put it over him. 

"so, what can I do for you?" I asked nervously. 

"sit." he said. I became relieved immediately. Maybe it was his soothing voice that made me calm.

"what you can do to help me is to tell me the truth. Tell me you love me, tell me that you don't want to see me hugging Alyssa. Stop giving me these mixed emotions all the time. At some point, I think that you like me, then the next I see you hugging Zayn. It hurts me to know that I can't go on without you, it really does. Just help me out here alright?" Louis mumbled, his cheeks getting redder by the second. 

"you want the truth? Well let me give you the truth now. I think that I'm falling for you. I just melt whenever I see your smile. At first, I thought that you were just another crush, but there was more to than just a simple crush. But now, I'm really sad to say that I'm having second thoughts about you now." I replied, looking deep into his eyes. 

His eyes widened. "w-what...second th-thoughts? B-but why? That's not even possible." He stammered, not expecting my response. 

"yes it is. Look how bad you've hurt me. Recall what happened last evening. You came home with Alyssa. You kissed her, you hugged her and what hurt me most was that you said that you loved her and that you didn't know me. That's the truth. Wait, I'm not done yet. You grabbed her wrist, but what did I do? I chased after you with a coat to keep you warm. Are you done hurting me now? If you're not, let me know so that I can continue to keep my distance from you." I let everything off my chest. Frankly I was more disappointed than angry. 

He remained silent. Then I started to walk away. 

"Sasha, don't leave me. Please." Louis said, tearing up.

"stop that Louis. Just stop making me fall inlove with you again. It's all over. May you and Alyssa have a long-lasting relationship. You're so much more than this. Just promise to come over and apologise to the boys tomorrow." I told him and continued to walk away. But before making a turn at a corner, I caught a glimpse of him one last time. That's it, I guess. 

Once I reached home, I got into the shower, where everything rewinded again. His kiss, the way his eyes stared into mine, the way his voice always kept me calm. Everything. Time check, 6am in the morning. Then a knock was heard. I opened the door, but no one was in sight. Then the knock came again. I realised that the knock came from the window, not the door. I saw a familiar face outside the tinted window. I opened it slowly, and found Lou, hanging onto the pipes outside the door. 

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" he asked hopefully. 

"um, no actually. No strangers allowed. What do you want?" I replied sarcastically, remembering his words last evening. 

"that's hurting. Invite me in, I'll fall if you don't." He replied. 

"oh, so now then you learn the meaning of hurt. The amount of hurting you gave me was way worse than you going to fall. A scarred knee doesn't hurt as much as a scarred heart." I told him off. Boy was I cranky after crying alot. 

He then pushed me aside and entered the house and let himself fall onto my bed. He was just about to start talking when I heard another knock on my door.

Must've been the boys, I thought to myself. I opened it and saw three very tired-looking lads standing infront of me. 

"are you alright Sasha?!" Liam asked, shaking my body. I laughed and said "yes, yes I am Liam!" 

"what is he doing here?" Zayn said, narrowing his eyes at Louis. 

"I wanted to talk to Sasha alone, not in the presence of you lads." Louis protested, obviously unhappy with Zayn. 

Then Niall voiced out "We came because we were worried that she went missing from home at 4 in the morning. We care for her, Louis. Since we are all here. I want to apologize to you for being so rude towards you." Niall's so adorable and caring.

"Yeah Boobear, i'm really sorry for shunning you out," Harry said and leaned in for a hug.

To our surprise, Louis pushed Harry away instead of returning him a hug. 

"You are apologizing to me now, Hazza? Really, you are pathetic. You told me you were disgusted by me and now you are apologizing to me? Wow Harold Edward Styles. Just wow." Louis said and looked away. 

"Louis, you do know it's your fault right? Stop turning the table around. Stop making it look like its our fault. Put aside your ego, idiot. Do you realise that you are losing the people you love? Idiot. Just stop being an asshole." Harry voiced out. 

Then, he walked up to me with clenched fists and grabbed my arm. "I'm taking this girl here with me and all of you can't stop me." Louis said in a low voice. I could feel my arm aching. The amount force Lou excreted on my right arm was really high. Before Louis could even bring me anywhere, I felt a tug on my other arm. "She's not going anywhere with a jerk like you. You don't deserve her Louis, you don't. Stop hurting Sasha, just stop." Niall said and pushed Louis away.  

"Oh so now you're calling ME a jerk Nialler? Really? What a joke. Back off Niall. Just back the hell off"' Louis said and pushed Niall away. Niall, having a short temper, got irritated and punched Louis' face. Again. Then Lou took a shot at Nialler's stomach and Nialler fell backwards. That was when I decided to stop being afraid of Louis and I struck Louis in the face. Then there was a moment of silence. Then Liam and Harry came to Louis' aid as he was bleeding profusedly. No matter how much the boys fought, they always cared about one another, except for Louis, who still kept his head high even though he was bleeding. he managed to drag me out of the house. On the way out, I told the other boys to stay at my apartment and look after Niall instead of chasing me. 

Louis held my hand tight while his other hand clutched his jaw. "W-where the hell are we going?" I asked. He remained silent. I was actually worried he might hurt me. He dragged me to the Rink again and brought me in this little hut located at the far end of the area. The pathway towards the hut was beautifully decorated with candles.  In the hut, there was a round table covered with a red table-cloth. A candid picture of us was in a frame and it was placed in the centre of the table. Louis forced a weak smile and signaled me to sit. He sat opposite of me and looked me in the eyes. 

"I came by your apartment so I could bring you here. This wasn't how i expected it to be. Let me tell you how my initial plan was supposed to be. My plan was to fetch you from your apartment and blindfold you & guide you here. I wanted us to have a romantic breakfast and sort things out together. But things changed. This wasn't according to what I had in mind. At all. Infact, I'm mad at myself that I  got into a scuffle with Niall," Louis explained.

'Put your ego aside for once. Is it that hard? I told you to apologize to the boys, not to hurt them, including my brother. I don't get you. I just don't. I'm guessing that you are expecting me to forgive you, right? Yes,  I forgave you a long time ago but the pain you caused me is still here. You should've thought about it thoroughly before saying it out. Give us a break and most importantly give yourself a break. Find yourself again. It's not that easy for me to accept you now. Yes, what you did to me was painful but it made a huge impact in my life. Just stay away from me for the time being. It just isn't working." I replied Louis instinctively. 

He cried and replied me "I had never ever done this for any other girl. The first girl that I chased who wouldn't accept me, the first girl that caused me to fight with the boys. the first girl that i gave my everything, the first girl that I love with all my heart .. the first ..

"The first girl you hurt badly..." i continued for him.

"If you loved me you wouldn't be doing this to me. You wouldn't have given Alyssa a kiss. You wouldn't hurt your bestfriends. You wouldn't have some unfinished business with Alyssa. If you loved me, you wouldn't make me cry. But the fact is you did Louis Tomlinson. You did. are you happy now? Seriously, are you?"I questioned. 

He looked down and grabbed his phone. I saw him dialling Zayn's number. He put it on loud speaker so I could hear their conversation.

Louis: Hey....zayn?

Zayn: yea, what? 

Louis: can you come to the hut..? For the last time, Please.

Zayn: what hut? for what? So you could hurt us all over again?

Louis: the hut near the rink, the one that I brought Lottie to during her 9th birthday. Please, I promise not to ask from you anything else after this.

Then he hung up and looked at me. It hurt me to see him suffering that way. I realized that being an egoistic person will only make me lose the people that truly care for me. So, putting my ego aside, i stood up and went up to Louis. I tore the end of my long sleeve and wiped away the blood that was on his cheek where Niall had punched him. 

"Ow, that hurts." Louis said, gripping my hand. 

"Shut up and stay still." I replied while carefully wiping his cheek. 

Suddenly, he stood up and grabbed my waist. Our eyes met and his eyes looked deep into mine. 

"I...." He whispered.