Chapter 4 - I should have kissed you .

Chapter 4 - I should have kissed you . 

I was still sound asleep when I received a whatsapp text. I squinted as my vision adjusted to the glaring light from my phone. 

SwagMastaDoncasta: you may or may not be reading this right now, but whatever it is, just meet me at The Rink once you see this. 

I creeped out of the house slowly while I frantically searched my way through the darkness. When I reached the rink, it was dim, with a couple of lamposts a few feet away. Suddenly, someone tapped my shoulder from behind. It was Louis. 
He looked like a major wreck. His face was pale, his hair wasn't made and I could tell that he was freezing. Immediately, I took off my coat and put it over him. 

"so, what can I do for you?" I asked nervously. 

"sit." he said. I became relieved immediately. Maybe it was his soothing voice that made me calm.

"what you can do to help me is to tell me the truth. Tell me you love me, tell me that you don't want to see me hugging Alyssa. Stop giving me these mixed emotions all the time. At some point, I think that you like me, then the next I see you hugging Zayn. It hurts me to know that I can't go on without you, it really does. Just help me out here alright?" Louis mumbled, his cheeks getting redder by the second. 

"you want the truth? Well let me give you the truth now. I think that I'm falling for you. I just melt whenever I see your smile. At first, I thought that you were just another crush, but there was more to than just a simple crush. But now, I'm really sad to say that I'm having second thoughts about you now." I replied, looking deep into his eyes. 

His eyes widened. "w-what...second th-thoughts? B-but why? That's not even possible." He stammered, not expecting my response. 

"yes it is. Look how bad you've hurt me. Recall what happened last evening. You came home with Alyssa. You kissed her, you hugged her and what hurt me most was that you said that you loved her and that you didn't know me. That's the truth. Wait, I'm not done yet. You grabbed her wrist, but what did I do? I chased after you with a coat to keep you warm. Are you done hurting me now? If you're not, let me know so that I can continue to keep my distance from you." I let everything off my chest. Frankly I was more disappointed than angry. 

He remained silent. Then I started to walk away. 

"Sasha, don't leave me. Please." Louis said, tearing up.

"stop that Louis. Just stop making me fall inlove with you again. It's all over. May you and Alyssa have a long-lasting relationship. You're so much more than this. Just promise to come over and apologise to the boys tomorrow." I told him and continued to walk away. But before making a turn at a corner, I caught a glimpse of him one last time. That's it, I guess. 

Once I reached home, I got into the shower, where everything rewinded again. His kiss, the way his eyes stared into mine, the way his voice always kept me calm. Everything. Time check, 6am in the morning. Then a knock was heard. I opened the door, but no one was in sight. Then the knock came again. I realised that the knock came from the window, not the door. I saw a familiar face outside the tinted window. I opened it slowly, and found Lou, hanging onto the pipes outside the door. 

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" he asked hopefully. 

"um, no actually. No strangers allowed. What do you want?" I replied sarcastically, remembering his words last evening. 

"that's hurting. Invite me in, I'll fall if you don't." He replied. 

"oh, so now then you learn the meaning of hurt. The amount of hurting you gave me was way worse than you going to fall. A scarred knee doesn't hurt as much as a scarred heart." I told him off. Boy was I cranky after crying alot. 

He then pushed me aside and entered the house and let himself fall onto my bed. He was just about to start talking when I heard another knock on my door.

Must've been the boys, I thought to myself. I opened it and saw three very tired-looking lads standing infront of me. 

"are you alright Sasha?!" Liam asked, shaking my body. I laughed and said "yes, yes I am Liam!" 

"what is he doing here?" Zayn said, narrowing his eyes at Louis. 

"I wanted to talk to Sasha alone, not in the presence of you lads." Louis protested, obviously unhappy with Zayn. 

Then Niall voiced out "We came because we were worried that she went missing from home at 4 in the morning. We care for her, Louis. Since we are all here. I want to apologize to you for being so rude towards you." Niall's so adorable and caring.

"Yeah Boobear, i'm really sorry for shunning you out," Harry said and leaned in for a hug.

To our surprise, Louis pushed Harry away instead of returning him a hug. 

"You are apologizing to me now, Hazza? Really, you are pathetic. You told me you were disgusted by me and now you are apologizing to me? Wow Harold Edward Styles. Just wow." Louis said and looked away. 

"Louis, you do know it's your fault right? Stop turning the table around. Stop making it look like its our fault. Put aside your ego, idiot. Do you realise that you are losing the people you love? Idiot. Just stop being an asshole." Harry voiced out. 

Then, he walked up to me with clenched fists and grabbed my arm. "I'm taking this girl here with me and all of you can't stop me." Louis said in a low voice. I could feel my arm aching. The amount force Lou excreted on my right arm was really high. Before Louis could even bring me anywhere, I felt a tug on my other arm. "She's not going anywhere with a jerk like you. You don't deserve her Louis, you don't. Stop hurting Sasha, just stop." Niall said and pushed Louis away.  

"Oh so now you're calling ME a jerk Nialler? Really? What a joke. Back off Niall. Just back the hell off"' Louis said and pushed Niall away. Niall, having a short temper, got irritated and punched Louis' face. Again. Then Lou took a shot at Nialler's stomach and Nialler fell backwards. That was when I decided to stop being afraid of Louis and I struck Louis in the face. Then there was a moment of silence. Then Liam and Harry came to Louis' aid as he was bleeding profusedly. No matter how much the boys fought, they always cared about one another, except for Louis, who still kept his head high even though he was bleeding. he managed to drag me out of the house. On the way out, I told the other boys to stay at my apartment and look after Niall instead of chasing me. 

Louis held my hand tight while his other hand clutched his jaw. "W-where the hell are we going?" I asked. He remained silent. I was actually worried he might hurt me. He dragged me to the Rink again and brought me in this little hut located at the far end of the area. The pathway towards the hut was beautifully decorated with candles.  In the hut, there was a round table covered with a red table-cloth. A candid picture of us was in a frame and it was placed in the centre of the table. Louis forced a weak smile and signaled me to sit. He sat opposite of me and looked me in the eyes. 

"I came by your apartment so I could bring you here. This wasn't how i expected it to be. Let me tell you how my initial plan was supposed to be. My plan was to fetch you from your apartment and blindfold you & guide you here. I wanted us to have a romantic breakfast and sort things out together. But things changed. This wasn't according to what I had in mind. At all. Infact, I'm mad at myself that I  got into a scuffle with Niall," Louis explained.

'Put your ego aside for once. Is it that hard? I told you to apologize to the boys, not to hurt them, including my brother. I don't get you. I just don't. I'm guessing that you are expecting me to forgive you, right? Yes,  I forgave you a long time ago but the pain you caused me is still here. You should've thought about it thoroughly before saying it out. Give us a break and most importantly give yourself a break. Find yourself again. It's not that easy for me to accept you now. Yes, what you did to me was painful but it made a huge impact in my life. Just stay away from me for the time being. It just isn't working." I replied Louis instinctively. 

He cried and replied me "I had never ever done this for any other girl. The first girl that I chased who wouldn't accept me, the first girl that caused me to fight with the boys. the first girl that i gave my everything, the first girl that I love with all my heart .. the first ..

"The first girl you hurt badly..." i continued for him.

"If you loved me you wouldn't be doing this to me. You wouldn't have given Alyssa a kiss. You wouldn't hurt your bestfriends. You wouldn't have some unfinished business with Alyssa. If you loved me, you wouldn't make me cry. But the fact is you did Louis Tomlinson. You did. are you happy now? Seriously, are you?"I questioned. 

He looked down and grabbed his phone. I saw him dialling Zayn's number. He put it on loud speaker so I could hear their conversation.

Louis: Hey....zayn?

Zayn: yea, what? 

Louis: can you come to the hut..? For the last time, Please.

Zayn: what hut? for what? So you could hurt us all over again?

Louis: the hut near the rink, the one that I brought Lottie to during her 9th birthday. Please, I promise not to ask from you anything else after this.

Then he hung up and looked at me. It hurt me to see him suffering that way. I realized that being an egoistic person will only make me lose the people that truly care for me. So, putting my ego aside, i stood up and went up to Louis. I tore the end of my long sleeve and wiped away the blood that was on his cheek where Niall had punched him. 

"Ow, that hurts." Louis said, gripping my hand. 

"Shut up and stay still." I replied while carefully wiping his cheek. 

Suddenly, he stood up and grabbed my waist. Our eyes met and his eyes looked deep into mine. 

"I...." He whispered.